Perfect match: 30 million euro loan without mortgage and a dress with open zipper…

“My friend, don’t be like this, stop being so grumpy and negative, you talk and behave like my grand father. You will see, I will have the money”. “Who told you I am not that old? Maybe I just have a good doctor for plastic surgeries” I replied. “He would have started with your stomach, so this is not the case, you celebrated your birthday few days ago”.

“Yes and especially because now I have the years of Jesus and Alexander the Great, I try to be sure that I will be here celebrating the next birthday again and I will not die so young… it is a critical age, you know”.
A discussion like this never ends, especially when my Romanian friend was so insisting and teasing. In the end, I was convinced; I would follow him to his meeting. This is how I found myself walking on the pavement of Boulevardul Unirii that Augusts’ Thursday. The sun was still up in the sky, as the time was a bit later than 18.00. The weather was quite hot and I thought for a second that if someone would notice us, we were a funny duo. My friend was dressed almost like he was at Constanta after few drinks in one of the summer clubs, short pants and a very light, transparent shirt, carrying the small Luis Vuiton suitcase he just had bought. I was at my typical suit and tie uniform, as I had endless meetings before and after… (my bag was quite cheap, because I prefer the one that my colleagues gave me as gift in 2007, it has bigger value for me).

Business with open zipper…
“Old man, hurry up, she will not wait us forever, and she does a favour for us now” my friend urged me to walk faster… In few minutes we found the block and we entered in the elevator, soon we arrived at the door of the important person we were supposed to meet. “Don’t be surprised if you see a celebrity or a very big businessman waiting in the queue together with us, all people want this woman” he warned me. “It is easier for them to be surprised than for us to do so, trust me”, I replied to my eager friend.
The sign at the door was very well known, a major insurance company’s broker firm. A lady opened immediately after our knock. She was at her mid ’40s, reaching soon her fifth decade in this life. I will never forget her eyes, we looked at each other for less than a second, but the way she looked at us was the same I would only look at someone who I find really very big stupid… She was a friend of the “big one”. Another lady, this one over 50 years old, was talking to a young tall blonde lady. The room was small, no special place for meetings, we are all people in the end, why to hide secrets?
They were discussing about a loan and some other details, this was al I could understand with my poor Romanian. We were asked to wait at three meters distance, until they would finish. I was scanning the environment. Three old desks, some old chairs (mine was probably initially used when Elena Ceausescu went to England, to be honoured by the Queen there). The air condition was on, but no sign of cold air was felt…
My friend’s eyes pointed to me to notice the blonde lady again. She was wearing a beige dress, very provoking indeed, with cleavage and short enough, but most of the zipper in her back was down, unzipped. He was exploring her skin with his mind, as there was a lot to view and carefully study… After ten minutes of talk, the blonde stood up, greeted the woman and left fast. My friend knew her (from some gossip media) and he was ready to talk to her if I would not kick him really strong. She left wearing her big, branded of course, sunglasses and the 50 years old lady was “at our disposal”…

“Funds to help Romania grow”
She was dressed like an aunt I have in Greece, who enjoys wearing only what she buys from open markets, negotiating with the (usually Chinese) seller for half an hour before investing five – six euro in a skirt. Her make up was probably there since her wedding and her hands were not very clean. My friend did not pay attention to any of these; he was fascinated as finally he was talking to her. Officially she presented herself as an insurance broker. But not only…
“I used to work there (she mentioned a very big public institution of Romania). Then I moved to (major foreign bank). I was the personal assistant of the boss, a lovely serious gentleman, very famous to his country. You can find about him if you write his name in Google” (but she refused to me to write the name on a paper, she was just telling it very fast). Now this gentleman is in Swiss and he runs a major banking institution. This institution has approved last year some special funds for Eastern Europe, Hungary and Romania. These funds aim to help the countries to sustain their growth”.

“Take a loan for as much money as you want, even 200 million euro”
My friend was listening like hypnotized… “So, only to some special people and only by recommendation, this bank can approve major Real Estate loans, if you have a project to present. Luckily for you, you were presented to us by (name of person I did not know) and you will also be granted a chance”. She started mentioning papers we have to collect: A business plan and cash flow projection, the legal documents of the property we want to buy (or if we have it already, the papers of what we have), the files of urbanism, a paper that we are not in any black list of a bank, an application and some more.
My friend was barely able to talk, having on his face a stupid smile like a man would have, if he would have flirted Jessica Alba and unexpectedly she would have shown interest too… I interrupted her: “Mrs, I don’t get it. So, if we have all these, what will happen? Tell me please because maybe my friend here knows, but I need to understand too, I am not so intelligent”. She looked at me like she was talking to a retarded and a lovely dialogue began:
“You can apply and take a loan of many millions of euro for a project, I guess we talk for Real Estate in your case”. “What are the guarantees? The mortgage?” “Your personal guarantee and the project of course” “And how do you know that we will pay back?” “I told you before, you did not listen, you come here recommended by someone, plus you will insure the loan, so if you don’t pay they take the money from the insurance company” “how much is the cost of this insurance?” “6% of the value of the loan, you pay it in advance and then the loan will be granted to you” “and how much money can I receive as loan?” “As much as you wish, as long as you have the 6% that you will be requested to pay in advance” “So, I can take 50 million euro, if I have the initial 3?” “Ofcourse mister, even 200, if you have 12” “And what happens if I pay the 6% and I don’t receive the loan?” “This is not possible, (name of someone) is one of the many people who applied and received or will receive soon their loan” “which bank will finally grant to me the loan? And which is the insurance company you recommend? The one you have here?” “I don’t remember the names, but not the one here, this is for sure” After a lot of pressure, she finally accepted to show me a paper, I saw the name of a company involved in the deal. Later that night I searched for it online and it was matching to some credit brokers from Germany…
My friend was sweating now, whispered to my ear begging me to stop, as I was ruining his deal. I stopped asking and the lady turned to him and told him in Romanian something like “why do you bring this bad quality of people with you? Is he a policeman?” My friend guaranteed that I was just curious and he asked her for a second meeting without me present. She said she was busy and needed to go. Her assistant immediately talked to us and showed us the way to the door.
“Tampitul  draculuiiiiiiiiiiii” you are really trying to destroy my life…” my friend was screaming at me in the elevator…

Talking to a wall…
After a couple of silent days, my friend finally decided to discuss about that meeting with the lady… “Why are you so stupid? Why are you so impolite? Rude, arrogant, complexed? Ok, you don’t have manners yourself, why do you prevent me from changing my life?” “You will change your life by sleeping with the beautiful blonde?” “Ofcourse not, stupid, I will change it by obtaining the loan” “There is not such thing, you will just lose your time and soon your money too”. “Why are you so negative?” “I will tell you just few of my arguments and I am open to debate on them. So here we are:
- I was not arrogant, rude or impolite with her, I just replied and asked questions. Why is this called bad manners?
- The woman is lieing. Someone who was close to a top businessman as his assistant or whatever, even if she was the biggest taranca of Romania, after years next to him she should probably have learned some things. She did not know how to present to you the case. She is amateur, does not know business and her English is even worse than mine – if this is possible…
- You tell me that major financial institutions from Central Europe are represented in Romania by a lady whose hands are dirty, she wears cheap clothes and her make up looks like 35 years old, older than ourselves!
- I will not comment upon her office, I also had a small one some years ago, but mine was cleaned once per week, not less than once per two years.
- She does not tell you the name of the people you will work with, the name of the bank which will grant to you the loan, the way the whole project will become reality. She just tells you that you take as much as you wish, as long as you pay 6% upfront. They will steal your money and run”.
“YOU ARE ARROGANT AND STUPID, WITHOUT ANY RESPECT TO HUMAN VALUES. YOU JUDGE PEOPLE ONLY BY THE LOOKS” he exploded, swearing many more nice words.
“Good, you are right, I am all these and many more. But please keep me posted for your progress with them, you are still my friend”.
“I will, Ofcourse I will… how can I lose the chance to receive this loan and throw some bricks of euro on your face?”

Meeting at RIN Hotel…
“Mister Arrogant, are you coming? The experts from Germany will be here, so as to explain to us the deal. They will inform us exactly when and where we can be granted an audience, initially the lady informed me about Friday”. “Mister soon to be Rich, I can not lose my time for them. Please go by yourself, I don’t want to humiliate you again with my words. You will tell me the story after”.
Friday became Saturday morning. Then Saturday evening. Then Sunday morning. Finally they met on Sunday afternoon. My friend met the lady and two German gentlemen. He had cancelled his meetings all these days, so as to be available for them, but this also made him very eager to meet them. He did not meet anyone by any bank, as he was promised to. Also he was asked to sign a paper that all the details were confidential and if he would disclose even one word, the penalty would be huge.

A perfect victim describes how he will be robbed…
He was so excited while describing … “So, the deal is something like this:
- I will submit to them my projects. I decided to proceed with a mid size residential and also with a small office building. I have the properties at my disposal and in a couple of weeks I will provide them with the project and everything else they need.
- After this, the properties will be evaluated by a bank, they did not tell me the name yet, but they told me it will be an Austrian one. I will need to pay 5.000 euro for this valuation, which will be deductable from the fees of the brokers.
- When the project will be approved (they told me that if I submit the right papers for sure it will be) they will send me a letter to announce to me officially about this approval.
- As they don’t advertise or announce the whole project and they work only with connections and friends, the amounts I will apply for will be provided to me as the funds are sufficient for all kinds of projects.
- They don’t want any guarantee or mortgage for the money. Instead I will have to secure the loan, by paying insurance, amounting to some 3% of the total amount I will receive. So if I will not pay the instalments, they will take their money from the insurance company and this company will chase me after.
- The insurance company will also be a German or Austrian one, between the top ones in their countries, as they guaranteed to me, because also the bank does not want to risk to lose its funds.
- The credit brokers will receive a commission of 3% for the whole procedure, work and coordination of the project. The lady here wants something too, probably 1%, but I will negotiate separately.
-  And as I mentioned, these guys are really cool and very serious. They will do all for me and they will be paid only when my application will be approved.
- When all papers will be signed, I will pay the 6% to them, so as they will be guaranteed and also proving to them that I have some cash myself too and I am not poor, and in maximum one week the money will be in my account.
- I also met many others who want to apply as well for this kind of loans, but I will have priority as they told me, because I come through a stronger connection. Also in few days a friend of mine will receive some millions too, for an energy project he has applied for. So, I will also have the proofs that these guys really give the money they promise.
- Now I only need to collect the cash for my projects. I have in mind to apply for about 20 million euro, so I need 1.200.000 euro as my participation. Will you help me with this?”

My (raw as always) version of the story
“Mister soon to be rich… they will steal your 1.200.000 euro and disappear. Why don’t you propose to them the following: You will show them that you have this 6%, in a bank account, letter of warrantee, or even in cash. Then they will lend you the credit, while in the same time this 6% will not enter in your account and it will be paid directly from the credit to the final recipients. So, like this you will be sure that you don’t lose one euro, if you don’t receive any euro too”.
“Are you crazy? These are international institutions, I can not force them to accept my terms”. “Who is international? The Romanian lady with the 35 years old make up or the two guys from Germany who have a small credit brokering firm?” “Why are you so sure and negative?”
“In my opinion, the story is like this: Some crooks found a Romanian woman who doesn’t know a lot about anything and she simply wants easy money, like most of the people in this world. Now she is fishing the victims, like you. They promise to you all these, while I could tell you the same story in another version. Listen to mine: These distinguished gentlemen are paid by you with 600.000 euro, so as to create the file of your application to a bank. They will also receive money by the insurance company, a huge commission for “the insurance of a deal which will never happen.” It is like you tell to someone “I give you a stupid who will pay you 600.000 euro for something that will never happen. I want back 400.000”. For sure they will find someone to finalize such a deal. Then they will tell you that something happened with the loan, you made a mistake and the money is not refundable. But you can be sure of two things: Your friend will never receive any loan and also that they will really enjoy spending your money, they will worship you forever”.

A zipper waits to be zipped…
They say that when you enter in a car which can reach 400 km / hour, it is difficult for you to press the break; you want to reach your dream as soon as possible. This was the case of my friend too. He continued with the files, the preparations and all the rest. He also established a daily contact with that lady with the old make up, my… friend (as I finally called her). One day she asked him 3.000 euro as a personal loan “you will have your big loan very soon and I have an urgent need”. He got suspicious, but he finally lent the amount, but this made him a bit colder with her; he started pressing for the deal to be finalized, as delays already started to appear.
But he was lucky too. After few days since he started complaining, he was invited to her office, so as to discuss about some “important issues”. He found there the blonde with the open zipper, again before him. But this time there was one more gentleman. The lady asked them both to wait until she would finish and the blonde proposed to him to go for a coffee across the boulevard. I was not there, but from his description I can imagine his open mouth after he heard the proposal (hopefully not so many flies entered into it).
The coffee was marvellous, she told him that she heard very nice things about him and also that maybe she would need to be helped by him for her file too. My “super hero” friend could not say no to destiny, he was ready to rescue the poor, innocent, defenceless girl and this allowed to him to come closer to her. French kisses and hugs became a part of their daily meetings, but… she did not want to continue furthermore, although he was already feeling to be burned inside. “Baby, I feel this burning too, but I consider it will be bad luck if we do something now, under these circumstances. I propose instead to keep our appetite and after the loans will be in our accounts, to go together for a week in Maldives, or Seychelles, just you and me”. “I and she in Maldives… sounds like Heaven to me”! he kept teasing me…
(While he was telling me all these, I promised to him that “if you go with her to Seychelles, I will also travel back to time and join Alexander the Great in his final battle against Dareios of Persia, at Gaugamela”)…

“Something happened on the way to heaven”
Phil Collins is one of my favourite singers. Ok, he lost most of his inspiration after the mid ’90s, but still he is great. One of the songs that I always love listening to is “Something happened on the way to heaven” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAkBfY-b_s0&feature=related). This was also what happened to my friend, on his way to his personal Heaven…
After delays of several weeks, finally he received the answer that the papers were approved. But again there was no bank mentioned, just the credit brokers from Germany. The same situation with the insurance company as well. Everything was well hidden behind a cloud of mystery. They asked him to pay the money directly to their accounts, he refused (I threatened to kill him if he would dare to do this, although the blonde was saying that he is stupid to say no to them). After many meetings, discussions (but never ONE email except the confirmations) and changes of plans, they informed him that the final meeting would be held in Budapest. He should have the money with him, so as to receive the check of the bank too.
I thank God as finally he woke up. He travelled to Budapest with his lawyer and headed to the 5 star hotel they were invited in. The credit brokers were so cheap that they did not even reserve a meeting room there. Thus he found himself waiting among another twenty (more or less) Romanians in the lobby. The Germans asked the money and all the others starting paying it, in leather bags, as requested.
While my friend was waiting there, he received an urgent call by me. He had forgotten his second mobile to my office and I answered to an important call, as I recognized the name. His friend (who was waiting the cash of the approved loan) had not received the money, instead he was informed that his file was finally rejected. They said that the legal advisors of the bank found many problems and also that he was trying to trick them. So he lost his 6% and his lawyer told him that there was nothing to do anymore. Thus my friend asked the Credit Brokers to see first the bank cheque, as they had promised. He was informed that something blocked the online systems of the bank and all things will be finished tomorrow “but you can give us the money today, no problem”. He saw his blonde paying the amount and sending kisses to him, but he stood up and left. He also went to the rest of the people there, insisted that they should ask their money back too. Nope, no one wanted. Some accepted to give him their mobile, so as to be called and discuss what happened afterwards…
Four months later, all the guys who had given to him their mobiles were desperate. No loan was lent, the Romanian lady disappeared and so did the Germans. Needless to say that the blonde forgot my friend instantly…

(Maybe for some of you this is a story, maybe it is the reality. I know that we live in difficult moments, but please open your eyes and be careful. The worse the crisis will be, the more intelligent the crooks will become so as to steal your money).